


The Illusion of Being "Okay"

by SpicyRedPaladin



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Cemetery, Crying, Eye Trauma, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Mentioned Mating Bond, Moving On, Past Character Death, Self-Blame, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 20:33:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17773778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyRedPaladin/pseuds/SpicyRedPaladin
Summary: Snow laid thick across the cemetery, a near-pristine blanket, marred by headstone pillows where the dead laid to rest beneath the wintery wonderland. A few sets of prints marred the snow, most visitors warded away by the cold. But Thace was there. He wouldn’t miss a Valentine rendezvous with his beloved, even if the world were burning around him.





	The Illusion of Being "Okay"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fandoms_Everywhere_United](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms_Everywhere_United/gifts).



> Here it is! Your present, Kerry!!
> 
> So a little background, this is roughly based on a group rp with some of my friends in which Thace works for a secret agency. To avoid spoilers, a better explanation will be given at the end. :3
> 
> Beta'd by the lovely Panda  
> ~Adam

Snow laid thick across the cemetery, a near-pristine blanket, marred by headstone pillows where the dead laid to rest beneath the wintery wonderland. A few sets of prints marred the snow, most visitors warded away by the cold. But Thace was there. He wouldn’t miss a Valentine rendezvous with his beloved, even if the world were burning around him. He walked through the gate quietly, a bouquet of white and red carnations tucked into the crook of his arm. The first row of stones was passed, and then the second, and row after row after that until he came to the leaf-less sugar maple tree in the back right corner. Thace reached out, brushing his fingers across the frozen granite to reveal the name, lovingly etched into the stone.

Ulaz Adana   
August 8, 1975 - February 14, 2009   
Kind Colleague, Adoring Husband, Loving Mate   
You Are Missed

Thace took a deep breath, emptying the old, rotting flowers from the cemetery vase and setting the carnations he brought into it before packing in snow to keep them watered. He stepped back, looking at the scene for a moment before smiling softly and kneeling down, sinking his hand into the snow to touch the ground where he thought Ulaz’s face was resting.

“Hello, mate-mine… It’s been a while. I’m sorry I haven’t visited in a while. Both of my jobs have kept me a bit busier than usual. A day still does not go by without my thinking of you, though. I am sorry you had to… To endure the pain that came with being mine…”

Thace squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to push away the memory of how he had found Ulaz ten years ago to the date. He tried not to remember seeing his love tied to his computer chair, head hanging weakly and breath barely escaping. The blood seeping from his empty eye sockets and the horrid patterns of cuts that littered his chest and arms.

_ Thace reached out, his hands trembling as he cupped Ulaz’s cheeks. The other man let out a strangled gasp, choking before spitting out more blood than Thace was comfortable with. Which was honestly any amount of blood at all. “Darling, please. I’m sorry, this is all my fault! Don’t leave me yet. Ulaz, don’t leave me!” The man’s head lifted, fixing a red, unseeing gaze gaze and the warmest smile that could grace a dead man’s lips on Thace. “Darling… It isn’t your fault…” His voice rasped, and Ulaz coughed again, his head slumping against Thace’s gloved fingers. “I love you… It’s not your fault…” Thace felt the tears beginning to run down his cheeks, then, as Ulaz’s lids closed over nothing. As his soft smile turned down as his muscles lost their strength. As his entire body slowly settled. As his breath… stopped… _

Warm tears on his cheek brought Thace out of the memory, and he gasped in the cold, cutting winter air, stumbling back onto his ass. He stared at Ulaz’s name on the headstone, panting softly and reaching up to touch his cheeks, wiping away the tears as he trembled. He shifted back onto his knees, setting his hands on the smooth headstone.

“Ulaz, I’m sorry... I know you said this isn’t my fault, but if I had never told you about what I do, you would still be here with me… We would be happy, love. We would be renewing our bond mark for the fourth time instead of having only renewed it once… I long to hear your voice again… To hear you say you love me. To feel your fingers on my skin and to feel your lips on mine… I ache for you…”

A cold wind was his only answer, tugging at his scarf and cooling the tears on his cheeks. He could barely see, his eyes filled to the brim and spilling over, dripping his pain onto the the cold, uncaring stone that was the closest he could come to his beloved. He took deep, ragged breaths, sitting back on the balls of his feet. It took several minutes for him to finally find his words again.

“I met someone… He reminds me of you. A bit stubborn, a smile that lights up the room, graceful. You both have beautiful eyes… His are like liquid amber, warm and inviting. But there are differences. He’s human, not Galra, with a little sister. She’s one of my students, my apprentice in Zeleni… She’s how I met him, actually. They look… uncannily similar.” Thace paused, gulping and closing his eyes, a smile coming to his lips. “I’ve fallen in love with him… Krolia says you would be proud of me for trying to move on. I… can only hope she’s right. Because I’ve never wanted something this badly. Not since I had you.”

A soft beeping made the man pause, and he removed his phone. It was his alarm, set precisely for 3:00 P.M. With a sigh, Thace drug himself up from the ground, letting his fingers graze the headstone one more time. “I’m sorry, love. I have to go early today. I’m making dinner for him… I hope you don’t hate me, we’re having your favorite, the apple flatbread you taught me to make on our third anniversary.”

The widower spent several more minutes of silence there before finally turning away, whispering a soft ‘goodbye’ before letting his feet carry him from the cemetery and back to his car. It would be a long time before he could face coming back.  _ But maybe _ , he thought,  _ I could bring Matt… I can be strong for him. One day, I may even be able to come see him without shedding tears… _

It was always nice to dream, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> So basically what lead up to Ulaz's death was a few happy years of marriage with Thace living a double life and Ulaz not knowing about Thace's involvement with the agency he worked for. Thace eventually broke and told him because he couldn't keep secrets from his beloved, prompting the organization to send someone to 'tie the loose ends'.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
